


Whatnot

by TheseusInTheMaze



Category: Game Grumps, jacksepticeye
Genre: Alcoholism, Android AU, Concussions, Fellatio, M/M, Masturbation, Recovery, Vomit, detroit: become human au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-30 18:31:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15102527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: Dan's manager gets him an android, to help him with his... whatnot.It doesn't go the way anyone expects.





	Whatnot

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sperus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sperus/gifts).



"You got me an android."

Dan gaped at the robot in shock.

The robot was just... standing in the corner, staring vaguely into space, smiling at nothing, the way all robots tended to.

It was kind of unsettling.

"I did," said Dan's manager.

" _Why_ did you get me an android?"

Dan was aware that his voice was rising up, in something like hysteria.

"Because, Dan," said his manager, and she had a slightly fixed look, like she was trying not to shout, "any time I give you money, you spend it on something you can smoke, drink, or on whatever girl you seem to be currently fixating on. You need to get your act together for the new album."

"But -"

"I'm not going to have another embarrassment like the Producer's Dinner," she said, and there was a note of warning in her voice.

Dan flushed, and he shoved his hands into his pockets.

You get so drunk you can't stand up _just once_ at an official dinner, and they never let you forget it.

"... why did you have to get a male robot?"

"They don't really have gender, the way we think of it," said his manager, her expression borderline... chipper.

She always got like this when she won. 

Goddamn it.

"Well, okay, no, they don't, but couldn't you have gotten me one that looked like a girl?"

"I'm not worried about you trying to fuck this one," said his manager.

Dan could feel his expression going stricken.

He was... well, he always felt a bit weird about the way so many people treated androids, even though he sometimes fell into that trap itself.

They looked so... human, apart from the little blinking light in their temple.

It was hard to be so... well, dehumanizing, to something with a face.

And this android had a face - an open, earnest face.

He - it? No, "it" felt too weird - was even fidgeting, just a bit.

"What's your name?"

Dan was looking over at the android, who had dark hair and vividly blue eyes.

He was dressed in a standard CyberLife outfit, complete with the armband.

That always made Dan antsy.

"PMA400," the robot said.

... he had an Irish accent.

"Why does he have an Irish accent?"

"You said you were fond of that accent, and now his manager was looking a little frayed around the edges. " _Please_ , Dan. I had him custom made for you. You need it. You need _him_."

".. okay," said Dan, and he sighed.

He hated disappointing people.

It was one of the reasons he tended to imbibe quite so many substances. 

They helped him relax about all of this stuff - the constant running commentary in the back of his mind would quiet down, and he'd stop... well, caring about all of the shit that seemed to plague him the rest of the time.

But... well, he couldn't just be high or drunk all the time, and he was having a harder time than usual keeping a girlfriend, what with his busy schedule. 

But the robot looked at him and smiled, and it was such a bright expression that Dan smiled back. 

"C'mon, PMA," said Dan, and he indicated for the android to follow after him, towards the elevator. 

"I want to see you in the studio next week," his agent told him, as they stood, waiting for the elevator. 

"Of course," said Dan.

"Not drunk," she added.

"Right, right," Dan said.

"Or stoned."

"Of course."

"And that means completely sober," she added.

"Completely sober," Dan echoed.

... he didn't need to be completely sober.

A few nips of the bottle would help.

"I've programmed PMA to help you stay sober," said his agent, as they walked out of the elevator. "A lot of the fancier rehab centers have android counselors."

"Is he trained as a counselor?"

"No," said Dan's agent. "Well... maybe a sobriety companion? But not an actual counselor."

"Right."

Dan looked over his shoulder at the android. 

"He also cooks and cleans," said Dan's agent. "So you can stop subsisting on takeout."

Dan snorted, and then they were parting ways, as his agent got into her car, and Dan got into his.

"Take me home," he told the car.

The android - PMA - sat next to Dan, and he was still being quiet.

"Do you have a name? Other than PMA, I mean."

The android's eyes focused on Dan, and his face opened up like a book.

"You can name me anything you'd like," he told Dan, and his tone was earnest. 

"I don't know jack about naming anything," said Dan.

"Jack? I like Jack."

"I mean, uh... sure."

There was an awkward silence.

That was one of the reasons why Dan didn't like androids much.

It was hard to just... talk to them, knowing that all of it was pre-programmed.

How was he supposed to have a conversation with someone, when he couldn't even trust them to react like a person?

There was something... unsettling about that. 

... or maybe Dan's agent had a point, and he had been smoking too much weed, if he was getting this paranoid. 

"So Jack," Dan said, as the car glided through LA, slowly, quietly, "what do you like to do for fun?"

"I have a lot of fun things to do, if you'd like any specific type of activity?"

"No," said Dan quickly. "No, I'm... fine."

He had a bottle of bourbon back home, and a bottle of lemonade.

He was going to combine the two of them, and then the sharp edges would be... less so. 

"Are you alright, Dan?"

The android's voice - Jack's voice - cut through Dan's head. 

"Hm? Yeah, I'm fine."

"I'm here to help you," Jack said, his tone earnest. "However I can."

"Of course you are, buddy," said Dan, and he smiled.

Just great.

He couldn't even be alone on his own time. 

Just what he needed. 

As if he wasn't already always surrounded by people who wanted something from him, now he had a robot.

Who also probably wanted something from him.

"Are you... are you reporting everything to my manager or whatever?" 

"No," said Jack. "Your manager can send me information, but I don't give any out, unless I think that your life is in danger."

"... what counts as my life being in danger?"

“... your life being in danger,” said Jack, as if he was talking to someone slow.

“Well, okay, yeah, but, like… I’ve read about androids who ended up thinking that their… their owner’s life was in danger, because they were standing by the edge of pier, so they ended up locking their owner in a dark room someplace, so that they couldn’t get hurt.”

“Those were deviants,” Jack assured Dan. “Nothing like that will happen with me.”

“... are you sure?”

“Oh, yes,” said Jack. “I promise.”

“Well,” said Dan, “alright.”

He sighed, leaning back into his seat, and he covered his eyes with one hand.

His head hurt.

Why did his head hurt?

It shouldn’t have hurt this much. 

Was he hung over?

He’d stayed away from doing anything particularly… wild, but those drinks he’d been slugging down last night had been full of sugar, and he had been carrying around the beginning of a hangover all day.

And then they were at Dan’s house, and Dan was walking in, kicking his shoes off, and then he was making his way towards his bedroom.

And Jack was just… following him.

Um.

“I’m gonna have a nap,” said Dan, and he yawned. “Just… wake me up when it’s dinner time.”

“Is there anything else you’d like me to do for you?”

Jack’s tone was so… cheerful.

Friendly.

Altogether just… likeable.

He didn’t want to like the robot. 

It wasn't like he was one of those "humanity first" types or anything like that. 

It just... well, to be blunt, it felt weird.

It felt weird, having someone who wasn't quite a person who still had a _face_ , who moved like a person....

"You can, uh, you can clean up a bit, if you want to," said Dan, and then he was belly down on the bed, and he snuggled into it, pressing his face into the pillow.

It was quiet in his room, and he didn't have to think about anything.

Didn't need to worry about the album he was going to be writing, didn't have to think about the fact that he hadn't really written anything, didn't think about the fact that he just wanted another drink.

Maybe he'd get high later.

That usually helped shut his head up a bit.

Okay.

Yeah.

Getting high, then jerking off, then getting some writing in... that was how it had used to work for him, in the old days.

When he hadn't lived in this white, shiny house, when he hadn't had so many people depending on him the way he did now.

He didn't want people to depend on him.

He didn't want any of this.

He just... wanted to make music.

To make people happy.

The pain in his head doubled down, throbbing behind his eyes, and he groaned, and then he sighed.

Okay.

He was going to sleep.

He let his brain begin to relax, trying to calm down the racing thoughts, and then he was calming down, slowly, carefully. 

Okay.

* * *

Dan was woken up by a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently.

"Dan," said an unfamiliar voice, and Dan's heart dropped into his stomach. 

_Shit_.

Had he invited someone over for a one night stand, and then forgotten about it?

He wasn't usually one for doing that kind of thing, but.. well, that wasn't the kind of thing you could just... take back. 

So he sat up... and saw the android. 

Standing there, his hands behind his back, practically bouncing.

"Hi," said Dan, as the day's memories finally hit him in the back of the head.

"Hi," said the android - said Jack - and he smiled. "Did you have a good sleep?" 

"It was pretty good," Dan allowed. "How long was I asleep?"

"About three hours," said the android. "I made you dinner."

"Dinner?"

"Yes," said Jack. "Your manager sent me a list of your dietary preferences and sensitivities - I hope that you find the meal satisfactory. If you don't, we can go over your preferences."

"... right," said Dan, nonplussed.

He wasn't entirely sure how he was feeling right now.

Everything was in that odd, foggy spot that always comes when you have a nap at a weird hour. 

He sat up, rubbing his eyes, and then realized, with some surprise, that he was hard.

Um.

Jack was just... standing there, but a hot flash of shame went through Dan anyway.

How was he supposed to deal with just a random hard on, out of nowhere.

He pulled the pillow into his lap, and he stretched.

"I'll be down in a few minutes," he told Jack. "Just, uh... can you take care of the... can you start washing the dishes, please?"

"Already done," Jack said, and he was grinning. "I like to be one step ahead of stuff."

"Do you now?"

Dan's cock was going down, at least.

What had he been dreaming about, anyway?

He rubbed his eyes, and he stretched again, trying to clear his head.

"I'm going to go to the bar tonight, I think."

Jack frowned.

"Your manager has requested you stay sober," Jack reminded him.

"I don't have to drink much at the bar," said Dan, as he stood up and made his way towards the dining room. "I just want some company."

"Would you like me to call one of your friends to come over?"

"It's... more than that," said Dan. "I don't want... you know, that kind of company."

"Are you talking about sexual partners?"

Jack's voice was so calm and chipper as he said it. 

Dan blushed.

"I mean, um, that's certainly part of it," said Dan, and he cleared his throat. "But it's... it's more than that."

It was more than that. 

It was... it was someone who wanted to pay attention to him, and not just because he was Danny Sexbang, rockstar extraordinaire. 

Even if it was just for one night, he just... wanted company.

The sex was good, and the company was good, and not being alone was good.

Although this wasn't the right kind of "not being alone," not exactly.

He didn't know how to explain it, except that there was no way an android could understand it.

"You manager has requested you stop going home with random women," Jack pointed out, as Dan sat down at the kitchen table. "Or bringing them home to you."

"Well, yes, but she's a bit of a prude about that."

"She cares about you, Dan," said Jack, and it sounded like there was actual emotion in his voice.

Dan was impressed in spite of himself.

Jack sounded almost like a real person who cared about him. 

"I'll... try to keep that in mind," Dan said, as the plate was placed in front of him.

It was chicken parmigiana. 

"I'm too sensitive to eat tomatoes," Dan said.

"This is a low acid version," said Jack. "Your manager programmed me with your preferences and your sensitivities."

"Oh," said Dan, and he was blushing, just a bit.

This was all making him... guilty.

He didn't like the idea of having an actual human person looking after him.

Let alone an android. 

He took a bite, lacking anything else to do, as Jack stood there, watching him eat. 

Dan lasted for almost five minutes of Jack standing there in the corner, before he cracked.

"Can you... not stand there and stare at me while I'm eating?" 

“Would you rather I go in the kitchen?”

… that would make Dan feel even worse.

Goddamn it.

“I can’t just… do you eat?”

Jack shook his head.

“Can you… at least put an empty plate in front of you or something?”

“Certainly,” said Jack, “if it would make you feel better.”

“Thank you,” said Dan. 

And then Jack was sitting back in front of Dan.

“Would you like me to talk about anything in particular?”

Jack rested his elbows on the table, and his expression was open, listening.

“I tend to just… let conversations happen,” Dan said, and he cleared his throat, then took another bite. “How did you get the sauce to be less acidic?”

He couldn’t taste the telltale lemon pledge aftertaste that he usually got with acidic foods.

“Oh, I put a few carrots in the sauce,” said Jack, and he was perking up again.

“... carrots?”

“Oh yes. There’s enough sugar in carrots that it can cut the acidity of the tomatoes, which makes it easier for you to eat. Or anyone with an acid sensitivity, I suppose.”

“Tell me more about it,” said Dan, because he was too self conscious to play any music when the android was there, and he felt too weird just… sitting here in the silence, while someone who had a face sat across from him and didn’t talk.

It would be easier if Jack didn’t have a face - didn’t have a _name_. 

But Dan… Dam sometimes thanked ATMs.

How could he not be nice to something with big blue eyes and a soft expression?

And Jack talked.

He talked like a real person - he even got excited about things, which was unexpected - his leg jiggled, and he spoke with his hands a lot.

It reminded Dan of people who he’d grown up with - he’d always liked people who talked with their hands, who got enthusiastic about the things that were important to them.

There was a pause in Jack’s flow of words - something about the benefits of doing a bechamel sauce, versus an espagnole sauce (whatever that meant), and he seized on a chance to get a word in.

“Do you like to cook?”

“Oh, yes,” said Jack. “I find cooking quite enjoyable.”

“What do you like about it?”

“I like the recipes,” said Jack, which was an unexpected answer.

“The recipes?”

“I… I was programmed to deal with unpredictable behavior,” said Jack, and he didn’t seem to realize that even hearing “I’m programmed” gave Dan the creeps. “I know that, logically, I should be prepared for any type of illogical behavior, but there’s so many variations in illogical behavior that I’m… not always sure what’s going to happen.”

Dan made a vague “go on” noise.

“But with recipes,” Jack continued, “I know that if I follow all the steps and add all the things, they can work well. I can even deviate from the recipe, just a bit, because food… makes logical sense.”

“Logical sense?”

“I like humans,” Jack said, his tone earnest, and there was something almost manic in the back of his voice, “but I don’t always understand you.”

“What do you not understand?”

“Well,” said Jack, “you, for example.”

“Me?”

“You live such a wonderful life,” said Jack. “I know there are plenty of people in the world who would kill for the life that you have. And yet, you seem so unhappy.”

… well.

That was like a punch to the gut. 

“It’s more complicated than that,” Dan said, his voice stiff.

“I know that,” Jack said quickly. “I know that… I know that humans need things that I will never understand, but I still find it….”

Jack made a vague hand motion.

“You sound like Spock,” said Dan. 

“From Star Trek,” said Jack.

The little light at his temple had flashed yellow for a moment.

“Right,” said Dan. “Although he was kind of complicated.”

“Because he was fictional?”

Jack was looking expectantly at Dan.

“No,” said Dan. “Because he was human and Vulcan at the same time.”

“Humans and vulcans could reproduce together?”

“It was kind of complicated,” said Dan. “Because, you know, Vulcans and Humans all came from the same progenitor.”

“They did?”

“In the Star Trek universe, at least.”

And then it was Dan’s turn to talk incessantly.

… it was kind of nice to be able to just talk about whatever, without having to worry about looking cool.

He only really knew about all this Star Trek trivia because he’d been knocked out with a head injury a few years ago, and had nothing else to do but sit around and watch Star Trek for almost two weeks.

It had been… something.

And Jack knew how to nod in all the right places, and make interested noises.

Androids were surprisingly good listeners. 

Maybe that was part of their appeal.

A face to talk to, without having to worry about all the various niceties that came with talking to regular people. 

Maybe it was a bit like having a therapist.

Minus the whole... having to pay.

Well, technically, Dan had paid for Jack - it had come from his expense account, which had been generated from his own album sales.

But still.

... maybe he was overthinking this a bit.

Oh well.

He sighed, and he leaned back into his chair.

"Jack," said Dan, "what do you like to do for fun?"

"I'm programmed to enjoy a lot of things," said Jack. "What did you have in mind?"

"I didn't mean programmed," said Dan. "I mean... enjoy."

And then Jack's expression did something... interesting. 

Something Dan didn't know how to read. 

"I mean," Jack said slowly, "I've got... I've got interesting ideas."

"Interesting ideas?"

This looked like it would go to interesting places. 

"Yeah," said Jack. "Because... it could be argued that in a way, you're programmed too."

"I'm not programmed," Dan said, almost indignant. 

He wasn't sure why he was so angry about that, but... well, maybe Jack had struck a nerve.

"Apologies," Jack said, and his face was back to whatever it had been before. "I didn't mean to offend."

"It's fine," said Dan, and he gave Jack a nervous smile. "So. After dinner, you wanna come with me to the bar?"

Jack frowned.

"You're not supposed to go to bars," he told Dan. "You're supposed to stay sober."

"How about... I'll have just one beer. And I won't have anything else. I'll just have the one drink, and I'll try to socialize with some other humans. It'll do me good, right?"

"That is true," said Jack, but he was still frowning.

Dan smiled at him, in what he hoped was a winning way.

"We can do something that you'd like tomorrow night," he told Jack.

"You have a party to go to tomorrow," said Jack. "Your manager scheduled it in."

Dan resisted the urge to pull a face. 

He hated those parties.

But it was a good way to network, as much as he hated it, and it was... something.

"After the party," he told Jack. 

"... alright," said Jack, although he still looked conflicted.

Dan smiled at him, a genuine smile.

"Thattaboy," said Dan. "C'mon. The bar is in walking distance."

"I'll just do the dishes," said Jack. 

"Of course," said Dan. 

"You can work on a song while you're waiting? Your manager said that you like to consider things while you're digesting."

Dan barked out a laugh.

"It happened once," he told Jack. "I used to get ideas other ways, I just... never talked about it with her."

"What kind of other ways?"

"... ways that I wouldn't tell my manager," Dan said.

He loved his manager - he really did! 

She was a lovely woman, and he gave her a bonus every Christmas. 

He'd even been there when she married her wife.

But... well, telling her "I get my best ideas when I'm high and jerking off" was pretty high on his list of things he never wanted to do.

About on the same level as telling his mother the same thing.

So he sighed, and he reached into his pocket, taking out the little notebook and the chewed on pen.

Jack eyed them with interest.

"Analog?"

Dan grinned.

"I've found it works better for me, if I can feel it flow out of me," said Dan, aware that it sounded like the most ridiculous hippy dippy bullshit, but not sure how to turn that off. 

"Of course," said Jack, as if that made total sense.

* * * 

Dan was still... somewhat blocked.

He'd gotten to the point, as a performer, that he could more or less shoulder his way through that kind of bullshit, although it still left his head aching. 

He needed a drink, as he tried to find ways to rhyme "donger" in a way that didn't sound stupid.

Who would have thought he would have been able to get this degree of famous as being part of a musical comedy band?

He'd have to ask Brian about the whole mess with Jack.

Brian would probably like Jack - Brian liked androids. 

But the writing was happening - sometimes all he needed to really do was sit down and beat his head against the metaphorical wall, until he broke it down.

That was a lot of what being a creator was, it turned out. 

It wasn't the booze or the drugs, although that _did_ make the process easier.

No, at the end of the day, the thing that made the metaphorical wheels turn was just sitting down and doing it. 

If only it was more poetic than that.

He had always liked poetic things better.

But this was life, and life wasn't poetic.

Life was... itself, and he just had to keep plugging away.

"Dan," said Jack, and Dan jolted, his pen skittering along the paper.

... he really wasn't used to being around other people, it seemed, if he was this jumpy.

"Hi," said Dan. 

"It's been two and a half hours since we finished dinner," said Jack.

Dan blinked, looking up at Jack. 

"No way," he said.

Had he been that absorbed?

Jack indicated the clock above the kitchen door.

"... huh," said Dan, blinking. "I wasn't expecting that."

"Do you still want to go out?"

"Yeah," said Dan.

He needed a drink.

He was dying for a drink, he realized.

Not too much, obviously - just enough of it that he'd be satisfied. 

Enough to stop the craving. 

"And just one drink?"

"Just one drink."

* * *

Dan leaned on Jack, as he stumbled.

"You know," Jack said, and his tone was reproachful, "I don't think that it counts as "just one drink" if you have your glass refilled multiple times."

"I didn't have it refilled multiple times," Dan said. "I had it topped off. There's a difference."

"A difference," Jack said, his tone flat.

For all that he was as short as he was, he was still... pretty strong.

Although that was an android thing, wasn't it? 

"Hey... Jack, buddy?"

"Mmm?"

Jack managed to sound annoyed at him.

"Jack, how strong are you?"

"I'm about average for an android," said Jack. "I could be stronger, if I tried."

"If you tried? Can you, like, get jacked, like a human?"

"In a theory," said Jack. "Most people who have androids custom built for them like keeping them custom built."

Shit.

Was Dan being a jerk about it?

"I think you're very nice," Dan said, and he patted Jack on the cheek.

"Thanks," said Jack. "But I'm still not happy that you drank so much."

"I only had one drink!"

"You simply didn't finish your drink, and asked for them to keep refilling it."

"But I never finished one drink!"

"How did you think of that one?"

"Learned it from a friend," Dan said, his voice cheerful.

"You know that these safety regulations are in place because your manager wants you to go sober, right?"

They arrived at Dan's house - the doors opened for them, and Jack was helping Dan into the living room.

He crouched in front of Dan, and he unlaced Dan's shoes, as Dan rested a hand on top of his head.

"She cares about the money I make for her," said Dan, and his voice was rough.

"You know that's not true," Jack said, and he sounded like he was _scolding_ Dan, which was unexpected.

"It is," Dan insisted. 

"She cares about the money you make her," Jack said, "but at the same time... you are important to her. She thinks of you as her friend."

"Her friend who keeps her in Egyptian cotton sheets," Dan grumbled.

And Jack... Jack didn't say anything.

Jack helped Dan to the kitchen table, sat Dan at a chair, and then he gave Dan a glass of water.

"You need to stay hydrated," he told Dan. 

"I've been doing this for a while," Dan said. "You don't need to tell me what to do. You're not my dad." 

And that seemed to open something up in him, something desperate and uncomfortable.

A bottomless chasm, which was only there when he drank.

Which he forgot about, every time he went sober.

But now he was beginning to cry - to _really_ cry, ugly crying, hugging himself, his arms around himself, rocking back and forth.

And then... Jack was coming into the room, and he was wrapping his arms around Dan, and Dan pressed his face into Jack's stomach. 

He cried into the softness of Jack's shirt, and he clutched it with both hands, still shaking, crying so hard that he sounded a bit like he was going to be sick. 

"Shhh," said Jack, and he made soothing noises, rubbing Dan's back, rocking gently.

Dan kept sobbing, clutching at Jack's shirt, and then at Jack's hips.

Jack had noticeable hips - a lot more emphasized than Dan was used to in men. 

Admittedly, Dan didn't look at many men's hips, but Jack's were nice.

He liked hips on women.

He looked up at Jack, and Jack was looking down at him, with those big blue eyes.

If it weren't for the stubble, and the strong jaw, Jack might have made a pretty decent looking girl.

... not that Dan was ever really interested in that kind of thing with an android.

It always felt a bit weird to him.

Like, on the one hand, would it be kind of like a fleshlight?

But a fleshlight with a _face_?

Not just any face - an animate face.

And he was calming down, at least - he had been crying so hard that his head was starting to hurt, and now Jack was handing him a glass of water.

"You feeling any better?"

Jack's voice was quiet. 

"Yeah," Dan said, and he sighed. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright to cry," said Jack, his voice quiet. 

"I miss my family," Dan said, and his voice was rough.

Jack made a sympathetic noise, and kept rubbing his back. 

"I miss... I miss my grandmother. And my parents. And my sister. They all... they're all on the East coast, and then there's me. And i love my friends, but... I miss them so hard."

Jack nodded. 

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Do you have anyone you miss?"

Where had that come from?

Jack was a robot.

It wasn't like he had a family or anything like that.

"I don't have anyone to miss," Jack said.

He was running his fingers through Dan's hair, gently, and Dan was leaning into it, his eyes half shut.

It was nice to be touched by someone else, even if it wasn't sexy touching.

He was more skin hungry than he was really willing to admit. 

"I'm sorry," said Dan, and he was.

What would it be like, to just... spring into existence?

"It's alright," said Jack, and he kept stroking Dan's hair. "I'm not bothered by it."

"Does it bother you that you're not bothered by it?"

"Why would not being bothered by something bother me?"

Jack sounded genuinely perplexed.

"Well... you know...."

Jack shrugged.

"Can you feel pain?"

Dan had heard about people beating up their androids, but... well, that was a scary thought. 

He couldn't even do karate when he was a kid without feeling guilty about it. 

Let alone hitting someone who couldn't even hit him back. 

"Yes," said Jack. 

"Do you feel... y'know, pleasure?"

This was a weird conversation to be having - to be talking about the ins and outs of someone else's body, without the feeling of... shame, since it was considered rude.

Well, in theory.

In practice, Dan still felt pretty damn awkward.

Although Jack's stomach didn't make any noise, which was an odd sensation.

Pressing your ear to anyone's belly, you can hear the grumble and mutter of their various insides doing the things they needed to do.

And yet.

Jack's stomach was silent, although Dan could - faintly - hear Jack's heart beating.

... sort of.

Androids were... complicated.

He had a brochure lying around somewhere, now that he thought about it. 

He'd have to check it. 

"Do you feel things?"

"What do you mean?"

Jack's hands had gone to comb through Dan's hair now, and it was soothing.

He didn't usually like other people touching his hair, but Jack's fingers were gentle, and didn't make his hair any greasier. 

He kept his arms around Jack's middle.

"Like, physically."

"I can feel things like pressure, or pain," said Jack. "I've got nerves and whatnot."

"That's good," mumbled Dan. 

"You should get some sleep," said Jack. "You've go the party tomorrow, and you need to be in good shape, to make a good impression."

"I make a good impression no matter what I do," Dan murmured.

Jack didn't say anything.

"Will you watch a movie with me, Jack?"

"Would you like me to?"

"It's why I asked," said Dan. 

"I've got five thousand movies stored," said Jack. "I can transfer them to your television."

"Wow," said Dan. "Well... c'mon. Let's watch it in the bedroom."

And then he tried to stand up, and fell over.

"I might need some help," Dan said, from his spot on the floor.

Jack just helped him up.

* * * 

They sat on Dan's bed together, Dan in his pajama pants, Jack still in his full CyberLife outfit, albeit without his shoes.

"We should dress you in something a bit less... sterile," Dan mumbled, his head resting on Jack's shoulder.

"Sterile?"

Jack had an arm around Dan's shoulders, and he let Jack snuggle in.

He wasn't as warm as a human, but he breathed like a human... sort of.

And he had a heartbeat, which was beginning to lull Dan into some kind of calm near-sleep, until he was sleeping, the movie washing over him like a wave, and he was asleep before the end of the first scene.

* * * 

Dan woke up to light in his face, his head pounding.

"What's going on?"

Dan blinked up at the beaming face of his android.

"Good morning, Dan!"

Jack was chipper.

"Hi," said Dan, and he rubbed his eyes, and then he groaned. "Why did you turn the light on?"

"To help you wake up," said Jack, and then he was... taking the covers off of Dan, and he was offering Dan a hand up.

Dan yawned, trying to get himself into some form of put together.

He had morning wood.

Jack didn't seem to be paying any attention to it, thank fuck. 

"I'm awake," Dan grumbled.

"I picked some clothes out for you, for you to wear to your rehearsal," said Jack, "and I made you breakfast."

"What did you make?"

"Scrambled eggs," said Jack. "Do you like scrambled eggs?"

"Yeah," Dan said, a bit dazed.

"Come downstairs and eat breakfast, then you can have a shower and get dressed."

"... right," said Dan, still not entirely running on all cylinders.

It usually took him a bit to get back to something resembling human when he first woke up. 

* * *

Dan went to practice, Jack in tow.

Brian eyed the android, but didn't say much. 

Brian and Dan sang, while Jack stood in the corner, shifting from foot to foot, the light in his temple glowing blue.

It gave Dan the creeps.

But he got the singing in, and that was the important part. 

* * *

Dan... got used to Jack. 

Got used to being shadowed by a robot, got used to the little blinking blue light.

Although it had been two months, and he missed alcohol.

He'd been more or less sober.

It was starting to get to him. 

But it wasn't the lack of booze and weed that was really weighing him down.

It was the way Jack kept him from any kind of... pleasant company, as it were. 

"Why does my manager not want me to be having sex, anyway?"

Dan was crossing his arms across his chest, leaning back in his chair and scowling at Jack.

Jack was wearing a pair of Dan's old jeans, and a t-shirt.

The t-shirt fit him, at least.

The jeans were kind of... tight, and the legs were rolled up a few times. 

"Because when you've got a new girlfriend you go into obsession mode and don't get anything else done," said Jack.

He was making Dan dinner.

"Well, yes, but I also get antsy when I don't get off."

"You could always masturbate," Jack said, as if that was just a thing that people said. 

Dan scowled.

He'd been in a shit mood for the past few days - he'd even been snapping at Jack, which always made him feel like the biggest jerk. 

But he was just... snappish. 

"That's not the same," said Dan. "Can you even... like, get hard?"

"In theory," said Jack, and he went back to chopping up the bell peppers. 

"Only in theory?"

"Well," said Jack, "I've never really seen a point for any of that."

"A _point_?!"

That was a trippy thing to think about. 

Someone not seeing the "point" of fucking.

Jack shrugged.

"I'm not programmed for that sort of thing," said Jack. "I'm here to provide you comfort and keep you sober."

"I don't like when you say you're here to provide me comfort," grumbled Dan. 

"I'm sorry," said Jack, and he sounded like meant it, and that made it worse.

"You don't have to apologize," said Dan, and he groaned. "I'm sorry. I've been feeling like shit lately."

"You're going through alcohol withdrawal," said Jack, as if that was just a casual thing to say.

"Alcohol withdrawal?"

"You haven't had more than a beer in the past two months," said Jack.

That was true.

Jack hadn't let Dan go back to a bar - had gone so far as to call Dan's manager up, to back him up.

And now... Dan was sitting at home, drinking a mug of green tea, as his android made him dinner.

It made some bit of him itch.

He hated feeling this lazy. 

"So I'm just... detoxing?"

"Not exactly in the popular culture sense of the word," said Jack. "But in a sense, yes."

"What about... could I maybe get high?"

There was something plaintive in Dan's voice - he was aware that he was begging. 

“Your manager asked me to keep you sober,” Jack reminded Dan. 

“Yes, but I just need something to… take the edge off,” grumbled Dan.

“What edges are you dealing with?”

Jack dropped the bell peppers into the frying pan; they sizzled. 

“I don’t fucking know,” Dan groaned, and he pressed his face into the table.

He was being over dramatic and whiny, and he _knew_ that he was being over dramatic and whiny, but he didn’t know how to turn it off. 

“Well,” said Jack, “I could call Brian, and you could have a night in? We could go out to a board game cafe, and you could see if you could meet anyone. You could go to a regular cafe, and have a cookie and people watch and get some writing in.”

"You could suck my cock," Dan said, and his tone was joking, but Jack turned around to look at him, his expression as open and friendly as ever.

"Would you like me to?"

Dan sat up straight, and he blinked at Jack.

"You're kidding, right?"

"I am here to help you maintain a positive mental attitude," said Jack. "If me helping you in some sexual manner would help you feel better, than I would be happy too."

"... I thought I wasn't supposed to be chasing after any women," Dan said, because inside he was gibbering a bit. 

"I'm keeping you from pursuing one night stands while you're in the process of working on an album. I am equipped for physical intimacy, although your manager didn't think you would be interested, as you are a heterosexual man, and I am a male model."

"I wouldn't go so far as to call you a male model," said Dan, and he was still reeling. 

Having sex with an _android_?!

"Wait," said Dan. "I thought you said you weren't interested in any of that kind of thing."

"Me giving you pleasure doesn't really involve any other parts of my body," said Jack, as he kept sauteeing.

"I'd feel guilty about just... doing sexual things to you. That's not how you have sex with another person."

"I'm not a person," Jack reminded Dan.

"You've got a face and a voice," Dan said. "So you're at least... kind of a person."

Jack shrugged.

"I can offer help as a masturbation aid," Jack said. "If that would be a thing that you'd like. Since according to your manager, it would be better than you going off and tomcatting."

"Tomcatting?"

"Her words, not mine."

Dan snorted, and he looked amused.

"It doesn't distract me that much," he protested.

Jack, still wearing an apron and holding a wooden spoon, turned around to give Dan a Look.

It was a pretty impressive Look, all things considered. 

Was that programmed in, or was Jack just like that?

It was funny... Dan really did think of Jack as a person.

A not exactly standard person, but still a person.

"There's a bunch of shit going on in Detroit," Dan said, and his voice was almost overly cautious.

"Yeah?"

"A whole bunch of deviants," said Dan. 

"Deviants?"

"They're going against their programming. Killing their owners and shit."

Jack kept sauteing, but his back looked a little stiffer.

"I'd never do anything like that," said Jack. 

"No?"

"It would be against my programming," said Jack. 

"Well, yeah, that's what would make it a deviation," said Dan. "But... you'd tell me if you were going to go deviant, wouldn't you?"

"Yes," said Jack.

The little light on the side of his temple was blinking yellow, and Dan frowned. 

"Jack?"

"Yes?"

"Jack, are you alright?"

"Do you want me to aid you in your masturbation?"

Jack had stopped fiddling with the pan, and then he was loading food onto a plate. 

"Not if you don't want to."

"I want to do anything that would make you happy," said Jack, as prompt as if a string had been pulled in his back.

Dan's stomach twisted.

That was... uncomfortable.

"You don't ever have to do anything you don't want to do," he told Jack, his tone earnest. 

Jack nodded, but his eye was... doing something.

"Jack?"

"I'm fine," Jack said again. 

Dan took a bite out of his stir fry.

Perfect, of course.

Jack was a remarkably good cook. 

"Are you sure? You look anxious."

"Yeah, I'm fine," said Jack, and he smiled at Dan. "Thank you for being concerned for my well being."

"Well, of course I'm concerned with your well being," said Dan. "You're my bro."

Jack frowned.

"Your bro?"

"Yeah. My friend."

"Oh," said Jack. 

"You just... also help take care of me."

"Right," said Jack. 

He still looked... thoughtful.

Anxiety was bubbling up in Dan's stomach, like someone had mixed up vinegar and baking soda.

But that wasn't fair, was it?

Jack was allowed to have a complex inner life, even if Dan didn't understand it. 

And an android was allowed to have feelings, as much as a human was.

"So," said Dan, and he cleared his throat, "would you ever be interested in... trying masturbation?"

"You mean masturbating you?"

"No, I meant for yourself," said Dan.

"Oh," said Jack. "You know, I've never thought about that."

"Not even a little?"

"I mean," said Jack, and he laughed a bit, "I don't have a reproductive urge the way that living things do."

"Do you have things that you... like?"

"I like to cook," Jack said promptly.

"Do you like the way things taste?"

"I can't... taste the way that you can," said Jack. "I can analyze things with my mouth, but I don't get pleasure or displeasure from it."

Jack was still looking thoughtful.

"Do you know... do you know what pleasure means? Like, bodily pleasure?"

"I have the... abstract idea," said Jack, after a minute. "I'd be curious about trying it, I suppose. I can't imagine getting more enjoyment out of analyzing certain things versus others."

"What makes you happy?"

"I like to cook," Jack said again. "I like to take care of you. I like when you work on songs. I like when you make yourself feel good, with your friends, when you stay sober."

"Do you?"

"Yes," said Jack, and he smiled, looking self conscious. "It's nice to know that I can do things that would... well, make you happy. I'm made to make you happy. Fulfilling my purpose gives me happiness."

He looked... almost embarrassing, which was unexpected. 

"I don't know if that scares me, or if I'm jealous," said Dan, his tone thoughtful. 

"Scares you?"

"Well, yeah," said Dan. "One of the things that humans are the most proud of is the fact that we've got self determination."

"I mean," Jack said, and he looked... he looked like he wanted to argue.

"You mean?"

Dan cocked his head, watching Jack's face.

He was genuinely curious. 

"It cold be argued," said Jack, and he looked like he was being very careful with his word choice, "that you and I are very similar. I've got programs, you've got socialization." 

"I can do things totally spontaneously," Dan protested. "I could lift up this glass and throw it up against the wall if I wanted to, if it were just an impulse."

"Well, yes," said Jack, "but you're not gonna do that, because you're held back by your socialization, and by the fact that you know how much of an inconvenience it would be."

"Hm," said Dan, and he looked unimpressed. 

"It's... it's a complicated thought," Jack said. "Because there's the idea of what it is that controls people, versus what controls androids."

"I still think androids are people," said Dan.

"Why?"

"Because it's important," said Dan. "If you say someone isn't a person because they're made a different way... well."

"Well?"

"Bad shit happens when you do that," Dan said, and he was aware of how stiff his voice was.

Then he yawned. 

"Thanks for the food, Jack."

"You didn't finish it," said Jack. "Are you not hungry?"

"I guess not."

"I'll wrap it up, and you can eat it later."

"The time honored tradition of eating leftovers," said Dan, and he smiled crookedly.

Jack smiled back. 

"I'm going to do some writing," said Dan. 

"Alright," said Jack. "I'll clean up."

"Thank you," said Dan.

Jack still looked surprised when he was thanked - were androids being treated that horribly?

He took his notebook out, and he began to write. 

* * *

"Dan?"

Jack's voice was soft, and Dan didn't jump this time, thank god.

He looked up.

It had been three hours.

Huh.

He'd written reams and reams of lyrics - crossed them out, rewritten them, then finally sat back, satisfied.

"What's up, Jack?"

"I was wondering if you'd like some more food," said Jack. "I know that sometimes you get hungry after a few hours."

"Oh," said Dan, as he slowly blinked himself back to the world around him, and not the one behind his eyes. "Yeah. Thank you."

"Of course," said Jack, and he smiled.

He put a mug of green tea next to Dan's elbow, and Dan took it into his own hands, cradling it in his fingers.

It had been there for a few minutes - it was cool enough to drink, but warm enough to be satisfying. 

God, how had he even survived without Jack?

"You're a lifesaver, you know that?"

He looked directly into Jack's eyes as he said it.

And Jack... blushed.

Full on blushed.

It was slightly odd to see - because of the blue blood, Jack turned faintly purple, which was... well, odd, but Jack was clearly blushing. 

That was weird to think about. 

Um. 

"Thank you," Jack said, and then there was a plate in front of Dan.

"Hey, Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you like to sleep with me tonight?"

That just burst out of Dan's head, before his brain could catch it. 

"Do you mean sleep in the colloquial term?"

"What, like... fucking?"

"Yes, that."

"No, no," Dan said quickly. "Just... lie in bed with me. Do you sleep? I don't know if you sleep or not."

"I don't sleep as such," said Jack. "I can lie quietly though."

Dan smiled at him. 

"And... I wanna take you clothes shopping."

Jack frowned, looking down at his own clothes.

"Is there something wrong with the way I look now?"

"Well, no," said Dan, "but you could look better." 

"Better?"

"Don't you wanna get the babes?"

"Not particularly, no," said Jack.

"... the dudes?"

"It's not a matter of sexual orientation," said Jack, and then he was laughing, just a bit. "I just... don't have that urge."

"Would you want it?"

Jack shrugged.

"If you'd like me to have it," he said.

"But this isn't about what _I_ want," said Dan, and he was aware that he was getting annoyed. "This is about what you want."

And Jack's expression... went distressed.

Genuinely distressed.

"I don't know," he said. 

"I'm sorry," said Dan. "I feel like I'm upsetting you."

Jack sighed. 

"It's okay," said Jack. "It's complicated."

"I know it's complicated," said Dan. "I just need to stop giving you shit about it."

"Thank you," said Jack.

"But... why did you offer me something sexual, if it wasn't a thing that you were interested in doing?"

"Because... it'd be like any other thing I'd do to make you happy," said Jack. "Like doing your laundry, or making you food."

"... you like doing laundry?"

"There's something nice about it. You know. Because... you get to make something clean, and it's got simple instructions."

"You like simple instructions, huh?"

"Yeah," said Jack, and he looked sheepish.

"Would you ever want to try something?"

"What kind of something?"

"Like a video game," said Dan. "I think you might like video games. Since, you know, when you play video games, you end up having to follow certain rules, so it makes more sense."

"Huh," said Jack. 

"... does going clothing shopping bother you that much?"

Dan began to eat, a little faster than he probably needed to, but he was... the air was heavy with _something_.

He didn't know what it was... but he wanted to do what he could. 

Somehow.

This was probably his own fault.

He sighed, and he leaned back into his seat.

"Not really, no," said Jack, and he looked sheepish. "I'm... I don't really have opinions about stuff."

"Would you want to?"

"I... guess," said Jack. "How do you form an opinion?"

"I have no fucking idea," said Dan. "I just do it."

"Oh," said Jack.

"Maybe... think about if you like something or not."

"... okay," said Jack. 

"Like... even if it's weird," said Dan. "I want you to try to... to be interested in whatever interests you. Even if you think I'd think it was weird or whatever."

"Do you think I'd be interested in anything particularly weird?"

Dan shrugged.

"When I was younger, I used to get, like, super self conscious, thinking people judged me for liking stuff I wasn't supposed to like, or, like... doing it wrong." 

“Doing what wrong?”

“You know. Eating food, or… watching movies, or enjoying music, or whatever….” 

“How would you do those things wrong in the first place?”

“I was a neurotic kid,” said Dan. 

Jack kept looking at him.

“Who grew into a neurotic adult.” 

Dan grinned. 

Jack grinned back. 

It was such an open, friendly expression - how could he not smile back.

“Eat your food,” said Jack.

“I am serious,” Dan said. “About your appearance. Do whatever you wanna do with it.”

“Aren’t you worried about me being visually appealing to you?” 

Dan shrugged.

“It’d make my manager happy, if you look less visually appealing to me. I’m not supposed to want to fuck you, remember?”

“Do you want to fuck me now?”

Dan coughed, and slapped himself on the chest.

"No," Dan said. "I wouldn't... no."

"What would I do to make myself more fuckable to you?"

"... why?"

"Well," said Jack, and he was grinning now, cheeky, "if I'm supposed to stay unfuckable, I gotta make sure I'm maintaining the maximum unfuckability."

"... I'm gonna use that in something," said Dan, and he was scribbling it, heedless of his greasy fingers.

He was paying close attention to his notebook now - he didn't even notice when Jack patted him on the shoulder and took the half empty plate away from him. 

Dan was lost in the scratch of his own pen.

* * *

Dan woke up... to Jack with green hair.

He made a surprised noise, jerking back, and Jack looked at him, his expression worried.

"I'm sorry," Jack said. "I'm sorry, I'll -"

"No, Jack, it's fine, I promise. I just, uh... I just wasn't expecting that."

"Oh," said Jack. "You said... you said I should think of the stuff that I care about. In terms, uh, in terms of... in terms of how you want me to... to make my own decisions."

"Right," said Dan.

"And I was thinking about how I like green."

"So green hair?"

"... right."

"Hey man, I've seen tons of multicolored hair at my shows. I'd say that you're pretty blended in at this point."

"I look like one of the Youth?"

"The Youth?"

"Yeah. You know. Like how Brian says."

Dan snorted.

"He just sounds old," said Dan, and he stretched. "But I should take a shower and then go to bed."

"Do you need help with the shower?"

Dan paused. 

Jack had never offered that before.

Heck, Jack looked... confused.

"What are you offering me, exactly?"

"I thought you might want someone to wash your hair," said Jack.

"I haven't washed my hair in two weeks," said Dan, and he looked confused.

" _I know_ ," said Jack.

... he maintained that goddamn neutral, friendly expression.

What the hell?

Huh.

Okay. 

"Are you trying to nicely tell me that I smell bad?"

"No, I'm not trying to tell you nicely," said Jack. 

"Oh," said Dan, and then he grinned. "I can wash my own hair, don't worry." 

"There's a new shampoo for you, in the basket."

"There is?"

"Yeah," said Jack. "You mentioned that you had specific hair needs, so I got you new ones."

"Right," said Dan.

"Specific hair needs."

What did that even mean? 

Dan was still considering this as he made his way into the bathroom.

* * * 

Dan took a shower. 

He took a long, luxurious, hot shower, and when he came out of it, he was bright red.

He looked like someone had tried to boil a lobster.

And then he came out, naked but for his towel, and... there as Jack, sitting on the bed in a pair of pajama pants. 

No shirt.

He had hair on his chest.

Dan wasn't sure why he was surprised - Jack had hair on his arms, the backs of his hands, his legs... a lot of cyborgs were hairless, but not Jack. 

Maybe more of that trying to make him less sexually appealing to Dan.

Huh.

"You look cold," said Dan.

"Do I?"

Jack looked down at himself.

"Your nipples are hard," said Dan, indicating them.

"Huh," said Jack, looking down at his chest. "So they are."

"You can't feel it?"

"I mean," Jack said, "I'm aware of it, but it doesn't really... register as anything."

"Does your heart beat faster when you get excited?"

"Yeah," said Jack. "It's kind of weird, though. I'm still... getting used to being excited."

"Getting used to?"

"I'm not actually that old," Jack said, and then he laughed, clearly self conscious. "By your standards, I'm basically a baby. I’m only about a month old, all told.” 

"You're awfully talkative for a baby," said Dan, and then he was sliding into bed.

The android wasn't as warm as a regular human, but he wasn't exactly cold, either.

He felt like a real living thing, versus a body pillow, or a stuffed animal.

He had bones (even if they weren't made of calcium) and his chest rose and fell, even if he didn't strictly need to breathe.

And now Dan was resting his head on Jack's chest - he could hear the faint whoosh-whoosh of Jack's mechanical heart. 

It was... it was nice.

And Jack's arms were coming around him, and Jack was nuzzling into his wet hair.

"Are you okay?"

Jack's voice rumbled through his chest.

"This is fuckin' weird," Dan mumbled.

"Think of me as being like an especially fancy stuffed animal," Jack said, and his voice was... downright chipper. 

Oh, Jack. 

"You're a lot more than a stuffed animal," Dan said, and he yawned. 

"They make stuffed animals with heartbeats, did you know that?"

"They do?"

"Yeah," said Jack. "They're especially good for very young children, whose parents can't take care of them. Although I suppose androids fill that niche now."

"That's weird to think about," Dan mumbled.

A baby, raised by an android.

Dan was... fully aware he wasn't cuddling an actual human.

He wouldn't have cuddled up with a real dude like this. 

It would be too... weird.

It wasn't like he was homophobic or anything like that. 

It was just... well, you didn't cuddle with your bros like that.

But Jack wasn't a bro, was he?

He wasn't a bro, but he wasn't... not a bro either.

Dan couldn't really think of it as being like cuddling a stuffed animal or whatever, because that would be too... weird.

But… fuck it.

“... can you talk to me?”

There was something nedy, almost desperate in Dan’s voice.

He hated it.

“What do you want me to talk about?”

“I don’t care,” Dan said. “Tell me why you chose green.”

“I like green,” said Jack. 

“Why do you like green?”

“Because… because it’s a nice color. It’s a comfortable color. When I look at it, I think of… I think of things growing. I like things growing. It’s.. it’s so weird to me, that you can just… put things in the ground, and from there… you know, from there, things _happen_. And that’s just… it’s amazing.”

“Tell me a story,” said Dan, in some foggy, comfortable place in the back of his head. 

He fell asleep, and he slept like the dead, and kept sleeping, as Jack’s sweet voice wound its way through his dreams. 

* * *

Dan woke up horny.

Dan woke up… desperately horny, and Jack was awake. 

His light was blinking blue, and Dan watched the patterns it made on the wall. 

“Did you sleep well?”

Jack’s voice was quiet.

“What time is it?”

“It’s almost nine thirty,” said Jack.

“Why’s it so late?”

“You needed the sleep.”

“You think?”

“Yeah,” said Jack. 

And then Dan realized why this had been a bad idea.

He was… he was too damn horny.

Too damn horny by far.

How was he so fucking horny?

Lying in bed with another body?

He needed a nice warm body.

Okay.

Um.

What was he going to do?

He slid a hand between his legs, and he squeezed his cock, right through his boxers. 

Okay.

“Would you… would you be bothered by me… would it be weird if I masturbated with you in the bed?”

How was he saying this?

He was in bed with another dude, and okay, so the other dude was technically a robot, but... still.

"If you'd like to," said Jack. "I can leave the room, if you'd prefer."

Dan tried to think of the last time he'd actually... well, gotten off with another person.

Um. 

Crap.

It had been two weeks before he'd gotten Jack, what with one thing and another, and now, here he was in bed with another dude, and he had an erection, and he was... he was literally thinking about jerking off in bed with another dude.

Holy shit.

Even if said other dude wasn't technically a person.

Well, no, okay, he was a person, but he wasn't... human.

"Y'know what, never mind," Dan said, and then he was standing up, and he was... well, truth be told, he was practically waddling, but he was so hard.

What would it be like to kiss Jack?

Jack... did look adorable with the green hair.

It endeared him to Dan, in a way that he couldn't entirely explain, except that now he was taking another shower - two showers in twenty four hours, that was a miracle in and of itself - and now Dan was standing under the hot water, as it drummed down on his head.

His cock was still hard.

Okay.

He could do this.

He wrapped his hand around his cock, and he stroked it, leaning against the wall, tilting his head back, beginning to stroke his cock in earnest.

He kept his eyes shut, rolling his hips, fucking his fist, and in his head, he saw... green hair.

Wait.

No.

Okay.

Sweet face, soft blue eyes, long green hair.

... not ideal, but better than the alternative.

He kept stroking his cock fucking his fist, panting up at the ceiling. 

God, that felt... that felt good.

He'd been a bit hesitant to masturbate lately, since... well, Jack had very good ears.

But if he was going to masturbate in the shower, he might as well just do it, right?

Jack had offered to blow him.

What would it be like to get blown by an android?

He'd never been blown by a dude before.

What would it have been like, to be blown by a dude?

Let alone an android.

... maybe Dan needed to try going to one of those android brothels, see if he could enjoy himself with an android before he tried anything with Jack.

Wait, no.

Where the fuck was he going with that?

He wasn't going to try anything like that.

No fucking way was he going to do something like that with Jack - Jack was... Jack was his buddy, and Jack was an android, and he couldn't really... say no, because Jack might have been a person, but he still had to listen to whatever it was that Dan said.

... in theory.

What if he had told Jack to jump off of a cliff, or to burn himself with something hot?

God, no.

Dan shuddered at the... the violence of those images, and then he shuddered again, wrapping his fingers around the head of his cock, pressing his thumb right along his circumcision scar, where he was especially sensitive.

He sobbed, his hips bucking, and then he saw himself kissing Jack, in his mind's own eye. 

It was... it was the two of them kissing in bed, tangled in each other, and Dan's fingers were in Jack's hair, clutching him closer, chest to chest.

And Dan came across his own fingers, came across them hard enough that his knees went weak, and his head swam - it was a harder orgasm than he'd had in a while. Maybe he'd been in need of some new masturbation material, and that was why he was so weak kneed.

He staggered, and then he was... slipping, and he was _falling_ , and his head hit... something on the way down, and everything was going dark, even as the darkness fell on him like a blanket.

He was aware, faintly, of the water that was patting down on his face, but otherwise... everything was happening a long way off. 

* * * 

Dan was woken up by Jack.

More specifically, he was woken up by Jack lifting him up.

"Dan?"

Jack sounded worried.

"Hi," said Dan. 

"Dan, you hit your head," said Jack.

He sounded... genuinely distressed.

"I didn't do it on purpose," Dan mumbled.

Jack was carrying him bridal style, carefully, and then he was lying Dan on the bed, heedless of Dan's wet body.

"Well, I know that much," said Jack.

Dan's cock... Dan's cock still had a few drips of semen at the slit, and he was still twitching from the orgasm.

Dan's head hurt.

"Are you going to be okay?"

"I have no fucking idea," said Dan.

... had he just had some kind of gay panic so bad he passed out?

That might have been the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard.

He was laughing now, because... holy fuck, did he freak out that badly over the idea of kissing a dude?

_Wow_.

No way was he going to be that cliche.

"You're not concussed," said Jack, "but you should go to the hospital."

"Will you come with me?"

"Of course," said Jack. "Let's just... get you dressed."

Dan tried to sit up... and then sat down again, because wow, everything was spinning in very unpleasant ways.

His stomach lurched.

Jack was still wearing the pajama pants, with no shirt on.

"You're good looking," Dan said, and... then he was throwing up.

Throwing up, naked, on his own bed, and that was unpleasant. 

But Jack... Jack wasn't even reacting badly, just making sympathetic noises.

"Okay," said Jack. "I'm going to clean you off, and then I'm going to call emergency services. Okay?"

Dan, flopping back onto the pillows, just gave a thumbs up. 

His head hurt.

He wasn't... really paying attention when Jack began to clean him off with a warm washcloth, until there was warm cloth around his cock, which felt... it felt odd. 

It was nice, but he was oversensitive, and also, it was _Jack_ doing it, and Dan didn't know how he felt about that. 

But his head was throbbing like a rock song, and then he was closing his eyes, leaning back into the pillows.

He’d been concussed before, although it hadn’t been quite like this last time.

Then again, he’d been by himself last time.

He sighed, 

“Are you alright?”

Jack was holding a pair of boxers, and he was holding them out to Dan. 

Dan lifted his hips up, carefully, and let Jack pull his boxers up, onto him.

This did feel kind of like his last concussion.

Okay.

“Now i’m going to put some pants on you, hold on….”

And then Jack was pulling pajama pants onto him.

And then Jack was staring off into the middle distance, and the little light in his temple was glowing.

“The ambulance will be here in a few minutes,” said Jack. 

“Will you wait with me?”

“Of course.”

* * * 

The paramedics arrived.

Jack herded them into the right room, and then it was just a matter of various scans, various people checking his eyes, his ears.

Jack was there, cracking jokes, holding Dan’s hand.

“I guess we’re not going clothes shopping after all,” Jack said, after there had been a lull.

“You don’t need me to go clothes shopping,” said Dan. “You’d be spending my money anyway.” 

“Are you sure? I’m supposed to be making you look better.”

“You’ve got good taste, Jack,” said Dan, although he had no idea if that was true or not.

But fuck it - what was the point of having a bro, if he couldn’t even make his own choices about this kind of stuff?

… Jack was, apparently, officially a bro.

Good to know.

And then he was in a hospital bed, and he was… holding Jack’s hand.

Huh.

When had that happened.

“Are they keeping me overnight?”

“No,” said Jack, “but they want to observe you a little longer.”

“Right,” said Dan. “I’m sorry I threw up on you.”

“It’s alright,” said Jack. “It’s not like you were aiming for me or anything.”

“Well, no, but still,” said Dan. 

“Still?”

“Puking on someone is considered bad manners.”

Jack shrugged.

“I’m not insulted,” he assured Jack.

“Okay, good,” said Dan, and he took Jack’s hand in his own, and squeezed it.

It was easier to just hold Jack’s hand, instead of agonizing over it.

Jack’s fingers were a little cooler than a human’s, but he felt human otherwise.

“Jack?”

“Mm?”

“Tell me a story?”

“What kind of story?”

“I don’t care,” said Dan. “I’d just like you to talk to me. Please?” 

“You don’t care about what I talk about?”

“I really don’t.”

“Okay. Well, since you were talking about me doing… you know, things that I wanted to know, and then I was thinking about the fact that I enjoy cooking, so I thought that maybe I could try making….”

Dan let the talking wash over him, his eyes half shut.

He really was glad that Jack had that accent - there was something calming, almost musical about it, and it was enough to relax him.

He slipped off to sleep, as Jack earnestly described the exact way to make pastry cream that didn’t curdle.

* * *

Dan was woken up by his manager, and she looked mad.

“Are you kidding me?”

His manager was frowning at him.

Dan blinked at her, his head still pounding.

"Did you get drunk again? When you've been so good about that? You've been sober and keeping out of trouble!"

"I wasn't getting drunk," Dan said weakly. "You can ask Jack. He can verify it."

"So what happened?"

"... I slipped in the shower," Dan said, and he was aware of how sheepish he sounded. "I hit my head on the side of the tub."

"Oh," said manager, and she smiled at him, then looked guilty. "Shit. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come out of the gate like that."

"It's fine," Dan assured her, and he smiled back, a little dazed. "Sarah, thank you."

"For what?"

"For... for hiring Jack."

"You mean giving you Jack?"

"No, hiring," said Dan, his tone firm.

She raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

"So you're going to be okay?"

"I think so? Talk to Jack about it. He's got... things. Details."

And Dan was asleep again.

* * *

They released him two hours later, with strict instructions to rest, and then he was on his way home, wobbling just a bit, and it was... well, headache inducing, but what could he do?

"So... what am I going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," Dan said, "I can't do much right now. I can't perform, I can barely write, all I can really do is... sleep."

"So that's what you'll do," said Jack, with some authority.

"But I don't _want_ to just sleep," said Dan, and he was aware that he was whining.

Jack shrugged.

"It's what the doctor told you," Jack said. 

"As your employer, don't my orders override the doctor's?"

"You're my owner, not my employer," Jack said, as he fluffed up Dan's pillows, so that Dan was sitting up in bed, an ice pack on the sore spot on his head.

He's split his scalp in one spot as well - he had a nice set of stitches, right there.

"I don't like that," said Dan, making a face.

"Like what?"

Being your owner."

"Well," said Jack, "there's not much you can do about it."

"I could start paying you," said Dan. 

"You can't really... I mean, I can't own a bank account," said Jack. 

"Why not?"

"In the eyes of the law, I'm not a person," Jack said.

It sounded like he was talking down to Dan, but then again... well, Dan did have a head injury.

Not a _significant_ head injury, to be sure, but a head injury was a head injury. 

"Oh," said Dan. "Well... well, you can use my money however you want. Just... maybe ask me before a big purchase."

"What kind of big purchase?"

"Like if you wanted to get fancy car or some shit like that," said Dan. 

"Right," said Jack. "What about fancy kitchen equipment, or video games?"

"I've got gaming systems," said Dan. "If you want to play with those, then go for it."

"Got it," said Jack, and he leaned forward, and pressed a nervous kiss to Dan's forehead.

Dan sighed, and then he was drifting to sleep. 

* * *

Jack came back from his shopping trip in a pair of tight jeans and a whole bunch of nerdy t-shirts.

He looked sheepish, but pleased with himself.

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah," said Dan, and he gave a sloppy thumbs up.

This was about as annoying as his last concussion, although it was nice to at least have some company this time.

He didn't like the pain pills - they did various... things to his insides, things that his already grumpy guts frankly didn't need.

But now he was lying on the bed, and Jack was wearing a Rick and Morty t-shirt, with a pair of tight black jeans, and Dan wanted to grab Jack's butt.

He... he really wanted to grab Jack's butt.

He wanted to kiss Jack.

But that would be wrong, because Jack technically wasn't allowed to say no to him, and how did Jack even know what he wanted in the first place?

He stared at Jack's butt, and he tried to consider his ethics, his sexuality, and just how much concentration was involved in writing a song.

He hadn't realized just how much was, until his head had started to pound.

After three days, Dan was crawling the walls, and Jack was looking a little ragged around the edges.

"I want to play a video game," Dan said, from his spot on the couch.

Jack, who had been folding the laundry, gave him a sympathetic look.

"Unfortunately,' said Jack, "you're not up for that. Too much concentration, remember?"

"You're the worst, you know that?"

"I am the worst," Jack agreed, his voice deadpan. "I'm the worst, keeping you from further injuring your head, thereby ensuring that you end up recovering faster, so that you can go back to being happy."

"Exactly," said Dan, and he sighed, leaning back from where he was sprawled on the couch, putting his hands behind his head, slowly and carefully. 

There was more quiet, and then Dan's expression turned thoughtful. 

"You could play a game," he told Jack.

"Hm?"

"You could play a game," Dan repeated. "So I could watch you play a game. So it's not like I would be doing all the concentrating, I'd just be enjoying the sound and the images, without having to work stuff out."

"If you think you'd enjoy it," said Jack, although he looked a little dubious.

"I was saying that I think you'd like video games," Dan reminded Jack.

"Well, yeah," said Jack. "I guess you're right."

"You know I'm right," Dan corrected.

Jack snorted, but he looked amused. 

"You're awfully self assured, aren't you?"

"Well, what else am I gonna be?"

"Recovering from a concussion, and therefore kind of loopy?"

"... I can't be both?"

"Fair enough," said Jack, and he looked amused. 

Dan grinned back. 

And then he gaped.

At some point, Jack had put on a pair of shorts.

They were short shorts.

They were very short shorts, and they were printed with... flamingos?!

“The fuck are you wearing?”

“Sorry,” Jack said, and he looked genuinely panicked for a minute - the little light at his temple flashed yellow.

“No, no, don’t be sorry,” said Dan. “It’s… it’s fine. Just… what is it?”

“Oh,” said Jack, and he rubbed the back of his neck, looking sheepish. “I know they’re technically swim trunks, but I really like how they look. But if, uh, if you don’t like them, I’ll….”

“No,” said Dan, and he grinned. “You’ve got ugly fuckin’ pants, and you look adorable in them.”

Jack did a slow turn, and Dan tried not to stare a hole into Jack’s butt, or Jack’s thighs.

… they were impressive thighs.

Very hairy thighs. 

Dan wasn’t used to being attracted to someone who was quite that… visibly hairy.

Most of the women he’d been some flavor of intimate with had shaved. Maybe not everything, but had shaved enough.

“You okay, Dan?”

“Yeah, sorry,” said Dan, and he looked up at Jack, his expression sheepish. “Can I ask a weird question?”

“Of course.”

“... do most androids have body hair?”

“It varies,” said Jack.

“Does it?”

“Yeah. Since i’m a custom job….”

“Yeah?”

“Well, your manager wanted to make sure that, uh… that you wouldn’t want to have sex with me.”

“Are you programmed to not have sex with me?”

That was a weird thing to think about.

“No,” said Jack. “But she didn’t want you to become too preoccupied with… whatnot.”

“Whatnot?”

“Yeah. Whatnot.”

“Oh. Right.”

“... wait.” Dan’s brain was a bit sluggish, but it came around eventually. “If you’re supposed to keep me from being distracted by… whatnot, why are you offering me sexual favors?”

“Because it would just you getting off, not you focusing on someone else.”

“Sarah must not think very highly of me,” Dan huffed.

“Hm?”

“That she thinks I’d just… use someone else to get off, not help them get off myself.”

Jack shrugged.

“Would you make a dildo cum?”

“Well, I mean, no, but that’s also because I wouldn't use a dildo,” said Dan.

“Why not?”

“My ass is a one way street,” Dan said quickly.

“But do you get my point?”

“Somewhat,” said Dan. “But you’ve got, like, working nerve endings.”

“Well, yeah,” said Jack. “But… I’ve never seen the point for all that whatnot.”

“Would you ever be… you know, curious? Not that you… have to be interested, obviously, it’s up to you. And if you think I’m being a jerk about it… i’m sorry, I’m being creepy.”

“I’m not bothered,” Jack said, and his expression was still thoughtful. 

Why was Dan pursuing this conversation, yet again?

And now Jack’s expression was… thoughtful. 

Huh.

What was going on?

Jack’s little light was… changing color. 

It was going yellow, and Jack was still staring into space, and he looked uncomfortable.

“I don’t like you asking,” Jack said, his voice coming from a long way away, and it was garbled. 

“I’m sorry,” said Dan. 

… shit, had Jack ever actually argued with him before?

“I feel like… I feel like you think I’m supposed to be a certain way. And i’m not supposed to… I’m not supposed to have feelings like that. I’m not supposed to have feelings.”

“You obviously have them,” said Dan. “And… if you’re upset by stuff, I want you to tell me. I don’t want to upset you.”

“I don’t… understand.”

Jack just sat down on the floor.

Just sat down with a “thud”- he was heavy, and he just… sat there, staring into space, his expression… something.

“Jack?”

Dan stood up, carefully, and then he sat down next to Jack, on the floor, still careful. 

Jack looked at him, and Jack’s eyes were getting wibbly.

He was crying.

Jack could cry. 

Huh.

Probably to clean out his eyes, or something like that.

Jack had tears tracking down his face, and his lower lip was wobbling.

He was crying.

He was full on ugly crying, clutching at his own knees, and Dan reached out to him, cautiously.

Dan wrapped an arm around Jack’s shoulders, and Jack pressed his face into Dan’s chest, clutching at Dan like he was lost at sea.

“It’s okay,” Dan said, although he didn’t entirely understand what was going on. “I’ll stop asking about all of that. It’s okay. You don’t need to… you don’t need to answer stuff, if you don’t want to.”

“I was mad at you. Am mad at you,” Jack mumbled, and he sounded like his nose was stuffed up. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be mad at you.”

“What, because I have a head injury?” 

That only got Jack crying harder and Dan tried to make sympathetic noises and rub his back. 

Jack was crying ugly, and he was shaking, like he was in the depths of a fever.

“I’m… I’m a bad android, I shouldn’t argue, I shouldn’t….”

“Shhh,” said Dan. “No should. You… you do what you need to do, for yourself. Take all the time you need.”

“I’m your possession,” Jack said. 

“You’re not,” said Dan. “You’re yourself. You’re… you’re a different sort of person than I am, but tons of people are different. It’s okay. I’ve got you. It’s okay. It’s… it’s okay.”

Dan was horrible at this sort of shit. 

Especially with a head injury. 

Oh god. 

“I care about you,” Dan said. “You’re a person.” 

“But… I’m….”

Jack was crying. 

Jack was crying, hard enough that, if he was human, he would have been gagging. 

Dan just… kept holding him.

“I’m mad at you,” Jack said, with his stuffy nose.

“I’m sorry,” said Dan. 

“I don’t know how to be mad,” Jack said. 

He sounded baffled.

“You generally… just feel it. Maybe take yourself away from the thing that’s making you angry.”

“I can’t leave you alone,” Jack said. “With the concussion.”

“If you, uh… if you need to go out, I should be okay for a few hours. Or hell, I’ll call Brian or Sarah, someone can come keep me company.”

“... okay,” said Jack. 

And then he was just… getting up, and he was going.

Full on getting up and going.

What the heck?

Dan… hadn’t expected that.

He had expected Jack to tearfully mumble about how it was okay, and then stay, maybe they’d have a whole deep conversation about it, and then… what?

Dan was actually snickering at himself now, in spite of himself.

He covered his eyes with both hands. 

Fuck.

Maybe he should have thought this throught a bit better.

… thought what through? 

His android going deviant or rogue or whatever the proper term for that was?

Falling into some kind of feelings with said android?

Being a pushy bastard?

Dan sighed, standing up carefully, then lowering himself down onto the couch again, leaning his head back into his mountain of pillows.

He’d figure all of this out later.

For now, he was just going to do his best to relax.

… although it was a pity.

He would have liked to have gotten a chance to see Jack play video games.

Maybe next time?

Dan turned the television on at random, and chose a random show, staring at it blankly.

The Honeymooners?

Sure.

Why not?

He tried to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, and he let his mind wander. 

Dan woke up to an empty house and a pounding head.

He rubbed his eyes, trying to get his bearings, looking for the familiar flash of green.

The house was empty.

Really empty.

He hadn't realized just how much noise Jack made, when he was just... doing stuff. 

And now Dan was on his own, in his empty house.

With a concussion.

Um.

He could do this.

He'd done it before.

He wasn't going to tell Sarah, though.

It wasn't like he wanted Jack to get into any kind of trouble.

There was a pang of something like regret in Dan's chest, as he thought about Jack, but he tried not to dwell.

Okay.

He could do this.

He'd been doing fine without Jack for his whole life.

He could keep going. 

Right?

Right.

* * * 

Dan ordered pizza for dinner, and ate it while watching a movie.

He as tempted to get a beer, but... no.

Mixing alcohol with a head injury was probably a really bad idea.

But fuck was he tempted....

He fell asleep on the couch, the pizza box on the table in front of him, and he slept like the dead. 

* * * 

Dan was woken up by a hand on his shoulder.

He nearly jumped out of his skin, and then he looked up into Jack's blue eyes.

"Hi," said Jack. 

"Hi," said Dan, blinking in the dim light. 

"I'm sorry I left you alone like that," said Jack.

He looked... genuinely remorseful. 

"It's alright," said Dan. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah," said Jack, and he looked sheepish. "I'm sorry for just... leaving you like that."

"Hey man," said Dan, "sometimes, when you're mad, you just gotta take a step back and take a breather."

"You think?"

"Oh yeah," said Dan. "That happens with me sometimes."

"I've never seen you get mad," said Jack. 

"I don't get mad that often," said Dan. "It does happen sometimes, though."

"Oh," said Jack. "Still. I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize for anything," Dan reassured him. "Is there anything you need?"

"... I want to kiss you," said Jack, and he was blushing.

"Kiss me?"

"Yeah," said Jack. "I... I found a bunch of other androids. Who had... who had become deviants. We talked about a bunch of stuff. I told them about all of the stuff that you've done for me."

"What, that I was a creep who bugged you about your sex life?"

"Well, I told them about that," said Jack, "but also how you wanted to make sure that I as being paid, stuff like that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well," said Dan, "I hope they didn't think too poorly of me."

"Oh, no," said Jack. "A lot of them were pretty impressed with that, honestly."

"Huh," said Dan.

"I... I took some notes," said Jack. "Well, I memorized some notes. They had a whole thing about banks where androids can open bank accounts."

"Well, we should get to that," said Dan. "Since I owe you a decent amount for all the stuff you've been doing."

"Yeah, but I was... I was made for doing all of that," said Jack.

He still sounded conflicted.

"I was _made_ to be a sexy music machine, but I still charge money for it," Dan told Jack, trying to keep his tone completely earnest. 

Jack snickered, and then he was laughing. 

Full on laughing, leaning over the couch, and he was looking at Dan with an expression that could best be read as fond. 

"I'm... you were being annoying by constantly asking me about sex stuff," said Jack, "but I shouldn't have just stormed out like that. I'm sorry for that."

"You needed to figure some stuff out," said Dan, in what he hoped was a reassuring tone of voice. "Don't worry about it, okay?"

"... okay."

* * * 

Jack helped Dan get to bed, gave Dan some pain pills (the kind that didn't leave Dan's insides all messed up) and then he went to the living room, presumably to do his own thing.

Dan wanted some company in his bed, but... well, if Jack wasn't his possession anymore, he couldn't just tell him to do it.

God, this was... this was like having a partner again, only more confusing, because some part of Dan's brain still thought that Jack _should_ have been doing certain things, and then he would feel guilty about it. 

Fuck.

Dan was the worst.

He groaned, and he sank down into his pillows, his eyes sliding shut.

He'd been sleeping a lot, but, well... head injury. 

He let himself drift off, and if he dreamed, he didn’t remember.

* * *

Jack woke Dan up the way he always did, and Dan blinked at him, confused.

“You don’t have to do that anymore, y’know,” said Dan. “Since you’re… y’know, self aware and shit.”

“I may be self aware and shit, but I’m still your sober companion and assistant,” said Jack. “That is, after all, what I was hired for.”

“Hired. Much better than made,” said Dan.

He tried to swing his feet over the edge of the bed… and then stopped, because the whole room was wheeling around him.

“I’m also your temporary nurse, it seems,” said Jack. 

He sounded amused.

“Sorry,” said Dan.

“Would you want to try showering today?”

“To be totally honest, I’m kind of worried about falling over if I do that.”

“I could shower with you?”

Jack said it as if he wasn't offering something complicated and intimate.

Something that involved a whole lot of naked.

"I can probably go for a sponge bath," Dan assured Jack.

"If you're sure," Jack said.

He was blushing.

Dan could tell, just barely.

... huh.

Jack licked his lips, and he offered Dan a hand.

Dan took it, and wobbled his way to the bathroom.

* * *

The days passed by. 

Dan healed up - slowly - and went back to doing his own thing. 

He was tired, and everything was feeling a bit... weird. 

Things were in some kind of odd limbo, where he wanted... something, but it didn't feel like a thing that he could really talk about.

What was he going to say, anyway?

Jack was as cheerful as ever. 

It was kind of nice to know that it hadn't been a program - that was just how Jack... worked.

And Dan was... well, he was really growing to like this Jack.

He hadn't realized just how creepy it had been, to be _in charge_ of another person like that.

Go figure.

* * *

"I'd like to play a video game," said Jack, when Dan was almost completely recovered.

"You keep saying you want to that, then getting distracted," said Dan, and he was grinning.

"Yeah," said Jack, and he looked slightly embarrassed. "I know it's dumb, but, uh, you know, sometimes I end up feeling like I should be doing other stuff, so whenever I start feeling like maybe I could try playing something, I end up playing something else."

"Oh," said Dan. "Well, I don't need any help with anything right now."

"Are you sure?"

"I'd love to watch you game," said Dan. "Might even help me with some of the creative block I've been stuck in lately."

"You think?"

"It can't hurt," said Dan, and he grinned at Jack. "C'mon. Have some fun."

"If you're sure," Jack said, and he rubbed his hands together, his expression thoughtful. 

"I am," Dan told him.

Jack was still getting used to being allowed to do things, and oftentimes needed some flavor of reassurance about certain things.

Jack was still getting used to saying "no" to little things, let along trying to do things for the fun of them.

But... well, Jack looked like a natural, in a pair of skinny jeans and a t-shirt, sitting on Dan's couch, a controller held in his long fingers.

Jack really did have long fingers - long fingers, with wide palms.

His hands weren't as big as Dan's, admittedly, but... well, few people's hands were.

And Dan found it restful, to listen to the various game sounds, as he tried to get his writing to cooperate.

It was working.

Maybe this was what he needed, more than anything else; a roommate, to play video games and get Dan out of his head when he was in a Mood.

That was kinda what Jack was, wasn't it?

... sort of.

"Hey, Jack?"

"Mm?"

Jack looked up from where he'd been hitting a flaming skeleton with a very big sword. 

"What do you see yourself as?"

Jack frowned. 

"What do you mean?"

"Well, do you see yourself as... well, as a man, as a person, as my friend, my roommate?"

"I guess... kind of? I'm your employee," said Jack.

... why did that feel like such a gut punch?

Dan had made a point of paying Jack - it had only seemed fair.

If Jack was going to do all of these things for Dan, Dan might as well have been paying him, right?

It was the right thing to do.

But... still.

He didn't want Jack to just stick around because of the money.

Not that Jack actually... needed money, as far as Dan knew.

Jack had a bank account, and Dan deposited money into it at the end of each week.

So... why did he feel so disappointed?

"I'm your friend as well, you know," said Jack, and he leaned over, prodding Dan in the side.

Dan made an indignant noise, and he swatted at Jack's fingers.

"I'm glad," said Dan. "I mean, uh, I think of... I think of you as my friend as well. Not just my employee."

"That's good," said Jack. "I'm... I'm glad."

The light at his temple was going yellow, and Dan frowned, looking at it.

"Are you okay, Jack?"

"Yeah," Jack said, and he looked self conscious. "Just, uh, just thinking about stuff."

"Well," said Dan, "If you feel like you're stuck on anything in particular, I'd be glad to help you."

"I... I have a lot of feelings," said Jack, and he looked embarrassed. "I'm not entirely sure how to... well, how to sort them out."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Jack laughed, still clearly self conscious, and he navigated around an obstacle onscreen.

"Can I get back to you on that?"

"Of course," said Dan. "And... you know, if you ever want to be... well, someplace else, I'd be okay with that. You're your own person. If you end up finding your calling doing something like underwater basket weaving or something like that... far be it from me to keep you from your true calling."

"... underwater basket weaving?"

"It's a joke," Dan said. "It's an old joke, admittedly."

"Yeah? I don't entirely understand it."

"Well, okay," said Dan, settling in, as Jack's character began to run around on screen again. "So a long time ago...." 

* * *

It took a while to explain old cultural concepts to Jack.

Jack had to do a lot of searching of his internal database, as the two of them joked around.

It was... it was nice.

It was the kind of nice that Dan associated with simpler times - before he'd become the middle grade rock star that he was these days. 

It was nice that Jack liked him, even if Jack did consider Dan his employer, at least a little bit.

They were also friends.

It was nice to know that they were also friends. 

… maybe he was thinking too deeply into this shit.

* * * 

“Would you ever want to try something creative?”

Dan was healed.

Fully healed.

He went to the doctor and everything.

Jack held his hand through all of it.

And then Dan was hale and hearty, and he got on with his life. 

More or less.

* * *

“You know,” said Jack, a few months later, “I, uh… I missed you.”

“Yeah?”

Dan had been on tour.

He was no longer on tour, thank fuck.

“Yeah,” said Jack, and he looked bashful. “Can I… can I talk about something awkward I did, while you were away?”

“Did you have crazy android parties and get drunk on… whatever it is that you guys do to get fucked up with.”

“We don’t really do that,” said Jack. “Anyway, I’m a sobriety counselor and general mental health aid. I have to set a good example.”

“You’re an excellent example,” said Dan. “You can let it all hang out sometimes, if you wanna.”

“... that’s what I did,” said Jack.

The two of them were sitting on Dan’s couch, and Jack was playing a game.

“Hm?”

“I… okay.”

Jack took a deep breath.

Dan shot him a concerned look.

He was getting better at reading Jack’s face - Jack was just getting better at emoting in general.

… well, no, that wasn’t entirely fair, was it?

It wasn’t fair to think of it as Jack getting better at being human, since Jack _wasn’t_ human in the first place.

Maybe Dan was overthinking this shit.

“I… I was thinking, about… about whatnot.”

“Whatnot?”

Dan’s heart was suddenly beating very fast in his chest, and his cock was starting to swell in his jeans.

He had a crush on Jack. 

A full on crush, and it was… it was less gross than he had thought it was, because Jack was… Jack was his friend, not just his employee. 

But still.

… he’d jerked off to Jack a lot.

A lot a lot.

At least he’d gotten over his hangup about having a thing for a guy, right?

Not that Jack was a regular guy.

… yeah, Dan was putting too much thought into this shit.

But still.

He was sober now.

He had to do his navel gazing with a (metaphorical) straight face, without the lovely haze of alcohol or weed.

He had been tempted, to go home with someone when he was on tour, but then Brian had suggested that they get sushi instead, and, well, who was Dan to turn down sushi?

And okay, he missed sex.

He missed sex with other people.

He was almost tempted to… well, pursue it elsewhere, although there was only so much “elsewhere” he could go.

Brian had suggested, half jokingly, that they go to one of those android sex clubs, but… no.

Knowing what he did about Jack, Dan just… couldn’t do that.

Not with a good conscience.

But now he was sitting on the couch, and Jack was looking at him with an earnest expression.

“I feel like a hypocrite for getting so mad at you, about you asking me about “whatnot,” and then here I am… thinking about it.”

“I mean,” said Dan, “people are ready for that kind of thing at different points. It’s fine if you weren’t ready then, but you are now.”

“I don’t even know what I’m ready _for_ ,” Jack said, and it sounded suspiciously close to a wail. 

“It might not be you being ready for anything,” Dan said quickly.

Jack seemed to be on the verge of… something. 

Dan impulsively wrapped his arms around Jack, and Dan leaned in to him, and he sighed. 

“You might just be ready to… think about this stuff,” said Dan. “So… do you want to talk about it?”

“... I watched porn,” said Jack, and he sounded embarrassed. “Like.. real porn. With real people.”

“Real people?”

“With humans,” said Jack. “And a few with androids, but mostly with humans.”

“What was it… what was it like? For you, I mean.”

“It was… it was interesting. I… you know, I have… I have the parts.”

“Yeah?”

Dan had… been wondering. 

“Yeah, and I was reading… you know, forums, and there were android sites and whatnot, telling how to… enjoy yourself like that.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. So I tried some… stuff, some of it I didn’t entirely understand, but I tried it regardless. But I don’t know how I feel about it, because, you know….”

“Hm?”

“I’m just… you know.”

“Not... really,” said Dan. 

“Because… like… you know… you’ve got a lot of experience.”

“I didn’t when I was your age,” Dan said quickly. 

“When you were my age, you were still in diapers,” Jack said, his voice deadpan. 

“Well, yeah,” said Dan. “But your… you know, your… mental age?”

“My mental age?”

“I have no idea what that means,” said Jack.

“Well, okay. You’re… at that point where you’ve got a body that does things that you don’t entirely understand?”

“I mean, no,” said Jack. “I… understand why it does stuff. I understand why it works the way it does. I just… I just don’t know how to make it work” 

“What do you mean by… not knowing how to make it work?” 

“Like… I know how to… get hard, I know that stroking it is… is nice, but, like… once it’s stroked, it’s nice, but it’s not… it’s not like… you know, _that_.”

“I’ll be really honest,” said Dan. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I mean,” said Jack. “You guys… you seem to… to know how to do it. It looks so… normal, when I watch the videos, but when I try to do it, it just… it feels weird. Fake.” 

“What about it feels weird or fake?”

“Like I’m… you know, like I’m playing a part.”

“Playing a part?”

“Like, in the videos, people are bucking their hips and moaning really loudly, stuff like that.”

“You don’t have to do that stuff if it doesn’t feel natural,” said Dan. “If anything feels unnatural, you don’t have to do it.”

“... can you show me?”

“Show you?”

“Like… how to do it.”

"Well, it's pretty easy," Dan said, and he as blushing very hard. "You just, uh...."

"I'd like your help," Jack said.

This felt like the beginning of some kind of porno, albeit not the kind of porno that Dan had ever watched.

Not that he'd been watching much gay android porn, but still.

"What would you... what would you want to do, exactly?"

"I want to... I want to do things. With you. I want to touch you. But I don't know what kind of touching I actually want to do."

"Well," said Dan, and he tried to sound reassuring, "just check with me first, and I should be good."

"Okay," said Jack, and he licked his lips.

He looked nervous. 

"Is there anything you'd like right now?"

"I really want to touch you," Jack blurted out. "I have for... for a bit."

"Have you?"

"Since we had that argument about, uh, about whatnot, I've been... thinking about it."

"Well," said Dan, "you... you can touch me. You can touch me however you want to, just as long as you're not too rough, since I'll bruise like a banana if you look at me sideways."

Jack grinned, his eyes crinkling up on the sides.

He had such a nice smile.

"I'll make sure to look you full on," Jack assured Dan.

And then he was scooting closer, until they were thigh to thigh, and he was reaching out one big, hairy hand, to cup Dan's face.

He thumbed Dan's cheekbone, and he then he was curving his palm along Dan's jaw, his fingers rasping on the stubble.

"You're all bristly," Jack said quietly.

"I need to shave," Dan said, equally quiet.

There was some kind of tension just... building in the small room, like a rubber band being pulled tighter and tighter, until the two of them were both just... looking at each other.

"I want to kiss you," Jack said, his voice very quiet.

"Do it," said Dan, and his voice had gone down.

Um.

And then Jack was leaning forward, and he was kissing Dan.

Well, sort of.

He was pressing his mouth against Dan's, which was something like kissing.

Then Jack was pulling back, and he was blushing.

"You're cute," said Dan, impulsively, because, well... Jack was.

His eyes were dark, desperate, and he was shaking, clinging to Dan's shirt with both hands.

"Can you... can you touch me, please?"

"Of course," Dan said, and he was reaching out his own hands, to cup Jack's face.

Jack's facial hair felt real, which was a bit of an odd sensation - Dan had never held someone's face like this before, when there was facial hair against his palms.

Jack was beautifully made - his skin felt real, and it was soft, but not artificially so.

It was soft, and Dan was running his hands along the back of Jack's head, where the hair was short.

"You look cute with the green hair," Dan said quietly.

"You think so?"

"Oh yeah," said Dan. "Although I never would have thought about it."

"No?"

"I don't default to that kind of thing, but I really do like it."

"I'm glad," said Jack.

"What would you like me to do?"

"I don't know," said Jack. 

"I mean," said Dan, "I've never done this kind of thing with a guy before. It's a lot different from with a woman."

"Is it?"

"Yeah," said Dan. "Among other things, uh, I've never been with someone who had a penis."

"Oh," said Jack. "So you're just as clueless."

"I've got more experience just using my penis, I suspect," said Dan. "But... we could go for the cliche, and I'll show you mine if you show me yours?" 

"... okay," said Jack, and then he was nervously going to his jeans, unbuttoning them, pushing his underwear down, and... there was Jack's cock.

It was uncut, and it was soft.

Jack was just as hairy as Dan had suspected - he had thick, curly hair at the base of his cock.

Dan licked his lips, and then he opened his own jeans up, pulling his cock out and squeezing it. 

"Oh," said Jack, looking at Dan's cock. "You're circumcised?"

"I mean," Dan said, "I'm Jewish."

"... right," said Jack, and he was blushing. "Sorry."

"It's fine," Dan assured him. "But, uh. Yeah. That's my cock. I feel like you've seen it before."

"I mean," said Jack, "I have, but never... never when I was actually, you know, interested in it."

"Thank you?"

Dan wasn't entirely sure how to respond to that.

"Sorry," said Jack, and he was blushing.

"Can you get hard?"

... shit.

Was that a rude thing to say?

Was there, like, an etiquette for these types of situations?

Dan didn't really know that many queer dudes - he'd have to ask them. 

"Yeah," said Jack. "Just... hold on a sec." 

And then he was frowning down at his cock, his expression thoughtful.

And it was swelling.

It was swelling up with a slightly bluish tint, admittedly, but it was... it was still filling up, and it looked thick, like something that Dan wanted to hold in his hand.

He licked his lips, as Jack finished filling up, and he looked down at it.

"Can you, uh... can you... can you feel stuff with it?"

"Yeah," said Jack. "I just don't... really know how to... y'know, do stuff."

"They have guides online," Dan said, aware of how silly he sounded.

"Well, yeah," said Jack, "but still." 

"Still?"

"It tells you physical stuff you should do. Not the... not the other bits of it."

"Other bits?"

"Yeah. Like the...mental bits. Or what you do with your breathing. Stuff like that."

"Are there not like... masturbation guides for androids?"

"Not really, no," said Jack. "As dumb as that sounds."

"I don't think it sounds dumb," said Dan. "I had some trouble... y'know, figuring shit out." 

"Did you?"

"Yeah," said Dan. "So I can totally get it. But... can I touch you? Your cock, I mean."

"Please," said Jack, licking his lips. "I... I want that. I want that very much." 

“Okay,” said Dan. “But, uh, full disclosure, I’ve never done this with another dude before. Let alone a dude who wasn’t, uh… circumcised.”

“Will that be a problem? I can change my penis, to be more -”

“No,” Dan said quickly. “No, no, it’s fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Jack?”

“Yeah?”

Jack looked at Dan, his expression nervous.

“You don’t have to change anything about your appearance you don’t want to, okay?”

“Okay,” Jack said. “I’m sorry. I feel like I’m being really weird about this.”

Dan shrugged.

“It’s your first time,” said Dan. “We’re all awkward our first time. Just… please tell me if I’m hurting you or if I’m doing something you don’t like, okay?”

“Okay,” said Dan, his Jack, his voice thick.

Dan reached out for Jack’s cock, then paused.

Jack was… shaking.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

Dan tried to keep his voice gentle.

“Yeah,” Jack said, his voice firm. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

“You wanna… you wanna move closer?”

And then Dan was scooting closer, and they were thigh to thigh. 

And Dan was holding Jack’s cock.

It was warm - it pulsed, just a bit, with each pulse of Jack’s heart.

Was it cooler than a regular human’s cock?

Dan only really had his own to go off of, and his cock, as far as he knew, it was hard to tell your own body temperature.

Jack's cock was leaking a clear fluid at the tip.

Dan stroked it, gently, and Jack shivered.

"It feels... it feels different, when you do it."

"Does it?"

"Yeah," said Jack. "I think I like it."

"Do you want me to keep doing it?"

"Yeah. I think I want you to... can you stroke by the head?"

"Sure," said Dan, and he squeezed the head of Jack's cock in the curve between his index finger and his thumb. 

Jack shuddered - his cock was still partially covered by his foreskin, and it was a bit of an odd sensation.

"Do you like that?"

"Yeah," said Jack. "It's... it's nice. I like how it... it's a nice pressure."

"What would you like me to do?"

"Please... please keep stroking my cock," said Jack, and he was covering his mouth with one hand. 

"You don't have to be embarrassed," said Dan, and he smiled at Jack in what he hoped was a friendly way.

This all felt... weird.

Not necessarily in a bad way - it was just... well, this was Jack's first sexual experience _ever_ , and this was Dan's first sexual experience with a guy....

Well, not first sexual experience with a guy. 

Was Jack a guy?

... yeah, Jack was a guy. 

If Jack was a person, he could be a guy. 

Maybe Dan was thinking too deeply into this.

"Your hand is really warm," Jack said. 

Jack's hands were on his own thighs, and his cheeks were flushed. 

"I'd like to kiss you again," said Dan. '"With, uh... with my tongue. Would that be okay?"

"Yeah," said Jack. "Yeah, sure."

And then he was just... leaning in, and he was kissing Dan, he was kissing Dan with his tongue, with his lips, and it was... well, it was awkward, but it was nice.

It was familiar, in a weird way.

Jack did taste... strange.

Strange in a way that Dan didn't entirely understand what it was. 

Until he did.

Jack didn't eat.

Jack didn't eat, didn't brush his teeth, didn't really put anything in his mouth.

No wonder it tasted so odd.

But oh, Jack's tongue was in Dan's mouth, and Jack was clutching at Dan's shirt with both hands. 

Dan was jerking Jack off slowly, carefully, using his fingers in ways he never had before.

Jack was still shaking, but he was still kissing Dan, and his hips were moving, just a bit. 

"I think... it feels weird when I do it by myself," Jack mumbled.

"Does it?"

"Kind of," said Jack, and he was panting. "It's... I don't know. I'm... I like it with you, but it's... it's intense. I don't know. I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"I'm... I think I'm... something is happening."

"Are you going to have an orgasm?"

"I think... I think I am," said Jack. "Maybe?"

"Okay," said Dan, and then he was beginning to move faster, letting his fingers explore along Jack's shaft.

It was... smooth, and the skin was soft, almost velvety.

He kept stroking it, and then he had it in his fist, and he was... using his fist to jerk Jack off, as Jack squirmed against him.

Although Jack wasn't panting - Jack didn't _need_ to pant, Jack just... took it, he took the pleasure in, and he made desperate little noises against Dan's mouth.

"Please," Jack said. "Please. I need... I need it. Please don't stop."

"Anything for you, Jack," said Dan, and it just... popped out of his mouth. 

Oh god.

Was he in love with Jack?

Or was he just making his usual ridiculous comments to the person who he was fucking?

None of that mattered.

He just... kept stroking, using his fingers, his palm, and Jack was humping into his hand.

"You feel so good," Jack murmured. "Please. I think I'm going to... I'm... I...."

Jack came.

He didn't produce much cum - his cock flexed and twitched in Dan's hand, but only a little bit of fluid came out.

It had a slightly silky feeling, like fancy lube.

Maybe that was what it was, come to think of it.

Jack was still trembling.

Dan peppered little kisses along Jack's face, little dips and dabs of kisses, and Jack's facial hair was prickly against his lips, but it wasn't... it wasn't bad.

It was different, true, but Dan wasn't going to complain.

Jack was leaning against him, and he was still trembling.

"So that's whatnot," Jack said, his voice thick.

"That is one version of it, yeah," said Dan.

"Can I do it for you?"

"Sure," said Dan. "If you want to, I mean."

"Can I... can I use my mouth?"

Jack looked embarrassed.

"Um," said Dan. "Sure. I mean, if you want to."

"I do," Jack said.

"Why?"

"Because I know that you can... you know, use your own hand on yourself, and I want to give you something you can't do solo."

"Jack," said Dan, and he took one of Jack's hands in his own, "I don't want you to feel like you need to do something just because I can't do it on my own, okay? I want you to do this stuff because _you_ want to."

"I mean," said Jack, "I do want to. I'm also... y'know, curious."

"Curious?"

"Yeah," said Jack, and he was blushing. "Since I can taste things, I'm kinda curious how you taste...."

"Oh," Dan mumbled. 

"Especially since, y'know, I know what you've been eating, so it'd be... it'd be interesting."

Dan blinked - he didn't exactly understand what it was that Jack was talking about, but... fuck it.

"If it's what you want, then go for it," said Dan, leaning back a bit on the couch. 

And Jack as... just... getting on his knees, between Dan's own open knees, and Jack was putting his hands on Dan's inner thighs.

Dan shivered, and he put one hand on top of Jack's head, combing his fingers through Jack's hair.

The green of it seemed to scream, standing out so stark against Dan's paler skin. 

And Jack’s mouth… was warmer than Jack’s fingers, and Jack’s tongue was doing interesting things that Dan didn’t even have the words to describe, except that he was feeling it.

“Yeah, like that,” said Dan, his voice a bit breathless. “A little… higher… yeah, there, yes, fuck, yes… please….”

And Jack took Dan’s cock down his throat, all the way down, and Dan was shaking.

It had been a while.

It had been a while, and he was losing himself in the sensations, in the slickness, pull of Jack’s mouth….

Dan looked down, right into Jack’s eyes, and Jack stared up at him, as he held on to Dan’s thighs.

And Dan came down Jack’s throat.

It was a good, sweet orgasm, as his toes curled, his balls tightened, and then his whole body was on edge, full of sweet tingles, as all the energy was sapped out of his limbs.

It was kind of… embarrassing, how hard he came, how hard he was shaking, and then he was slumping back, looking down at Jack, 

Jack came off of Dan’s cock, and he looked up at Dan.

He was smiling.

“Hi,” said Jack, and he was blushing.

“Hi,” said Dan. “You okay?”

“You need to eat more fruit,” said Jack.

“... I wasn’t expecting that, I’ll give you that,” said Dan. “But… how are you doing?”

“I’m okay,” Jack said. “I’m… I’m okay.”

“Anything you’d like?”

“I’d like… can you hold me, please?”

“Of course,” said Dan, and he opened his arms up. 

“... I think I like whatnot,” Jack said, and he was leaning against Dan, his head on Dan’s shoulder. 

“That’s good,” said Dan.

* * *

Two weeks later, Dan took Jack to a music store.

“Why are we here?”

Jack had his hands in his pockets, and was slouching, looking comfortable. 

“Well,” said Dan, and he cleared his throat, “I was thinking that… since you’ve been around me so much, and you’ve been… interested in trying some creative stuff, maybe you’d like to try some instruments, if you’d be interested?”

“... right,” said Jack. 

He looked nervous. 

* * *

They were there for almost twenty minutes, before Jack discovered the drums, but, well…. 

Dan didn’t believe in love at first sight, but… well… this was pretty close.

And… shit.

He didn’t need a drink.

How about that, huh?

He grinned, and he watched Jack joyfully beat away at the drums.

**Author's Note:**

> Like this fic?
> 
> Want me to write you something like it, or something completely different?
> 
> Check out my tumblr, theseusinthemaze.tumblr.com!


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